THE NATIONAL PATRIOT
Having been bombarded, for more than two years, with countless stories of the hikers held prisoner in Iran, and having had quite enough of the political correctness so invasive in our daily lexicon, I have decided that somebody needs to say SOMETHING which is politically DIRECT about this whole situation. So, here we go…An open letter to the “hikers.”
What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you come by your stupidity genetically or is it a byproduct of your ideology?
The Iranians said you were spies but that can’t possibly be true…you’re far to brain dead to be spies.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and take a wild shot at it…You’re all liberals aren’t you?
You went HIKING. Hiking is good. Hiking doesn’t leave a carbon footprint regardless of the amount of fossil fuel you burned to GET to your starting point. You shouldn’t be allowed to walk around the block without supervision. You could have gone for a walk in the park, or hiked on a trail in the mountains – but NOOOOOOOOO.
YOU MORONS!! You decided to go hiking along the border between Iran and Iraq. What exactly did you THINK was going to happen? Did you think you were going to meet a bunch of Iraqi or Iranian hippy freaks and exchange wildflowers and maybe share some weed??
You didn’t go over there for some noble purpose like building a school or to provide medical services or even to help rebuild a road or a bridge. You went ‘hiking’ in a war zone next to a country that hates us.
Seriously…what the hell???
You managed to wander from the Iraqi side of the border over to the Iranian side. What? No map? No GPS? No common sense…what?
Did the Iranians not know the words to Kum ba yah??
You went to Iranian jail didn’t you? All three of you – but one of you got to go home early because of your delicate constitution, didn’t you? Did you enjoy your two years in Iranian jail? Did you??
The Omanis bailed your sorry butts out of stir – but had they asked ME, I would have told them to save their money and let you rot. As far as I’m concerned, the Iranians could have kept you but as it is now…WE’RE stuck with you again and, frankly, it’s a waste of our effort to watch over you numb nuts.
Oh happy, happy joy, joy…you’re on your way home.
When you get here, no doubt you’ll be treated like celebrities and the media will be knocking at your collective doors. I’m sure you’ll either sell your story to People magazine or, maybe first, you’ll grace the pages of Newsweek with a cover stating…’We’re All Iranian Prisoners Now!’ You’ll tell us you were ‘well treated,’ and you’ll thank everybody who arranged for your release.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you thanked Ahmadinejad.
Do you three have ANY idea what REALLY happened? ANY IDEA???
You weren’t ‘arrested’ for being ‘spies’ you were KIDNAPPED for being AMERICANS. You weren’t ‘released’ after a ‘court’ hearing; you were PUT ON DISPLAY and RANSOMED. Now, because of YOU, dictators and other criminals around the world KNOW they can kidnap Americans and get paid to let them go.
YOU slackers have made the world MORE dangerous for Americans. Think about that while you give your interviews and sell your ‘story.’
For future reference, here are some things you need to learn. Don’t lay on railroad track. Bad things will happen if you do. Don’t play in traffic. Bad things will happen if you do. Don’t run with scissors. Bad things will happen if you do. Don’t try to pretend you and grizzly bears are friends. Bad things will happen if you do.
DON’T GO HIKING IN A WAR ZONE NEAR IRANIANS WITH GUNS. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DO.
One more thing…
Never…I repeat NEVER…seek employment as a hiking guide. Bad things will happen to others if you do.”