How to be a “useful idiot” for Islamism – in a few easy steps!

CIF WATCH

August 1, 2010

 

(Islamism: Defined – by the U.S. 9/11 Commission Report – as an Islamic militant, anti-democratic movement, bearing a holistic vision of Islam whose final aim is the restoration of the caliphate.)

For further information please see: www.usefulidiots.com
For an application form, please email: info@sparklyhijab.co.uk

(Note: The term “Useful idiot” was coined by Vladimir Lenin to refer to those who assisted some moves towards Communism while remaining ignorant of its full intentions.  In respect of the Middle East, it exemplifies the behaviour of  misguided Western politicians, individuals and organisations who wholeheartedly support Hamas, Islamic Jihad and their Palestinian protégés without in-depth knowledge or seeming awareness of their record of infringement of the human rights of their own people.  Useful idiots’ reasoning can be bizarre and their thought processes disjointed and blatantly contradictory).

Some general advice about useful idiocy for Islamism

• You should think very carefully before you join.   Bear in mind the saying, “If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas.” If, having thought, you decide to go ahead, remember that once you join it may be hard to leave.

• Being a consistently useful idiot requires a measure of unconscious skill.  A role model for females may be found in Yvonne Ridley.  She found her current niche in life after having been held captive by the convivial and broad-minded Taliban.  Now you can hear her sprouting their hate-filled company message on television and at conferences.  She took participant observation to extreme lengths.  Alternatively you can imitate Lauren Booth and go shopping in Gaza whilst wailing about the “starving” Palestinians and indoctrinating your children to hate Israelis.   It doesn’t matter if you don’t have children;  in such a case you can simply copy Hamas and indoctrinate other people’s children, but take care to get their parents’ permission first.

• If you are male and want to be a useful idiot for Islamism, then you really do need to talk the talk (preferably with a nasal whine – a good example is Ken Livingstone), be able to cry crocodile tears and contradict yourself.   You also need to be able to get close to Islamists – literally (viz the embrace between Ken Livingstone and Yusuf Al-Qaradawi).   Alternatively you can be the new Gorgeous George and head up an overland aid convoy to Gaza, get involved in fights with Egyptian border guards and be forced to come home in disgrace.

What must I do to be a really useful idiot for Islamism?

• You should read everything about the cause you want to espouse, carefully censoring out anything you disagree with, or which contradicts it.  This gives you excellent grounding to argue half-baked ideas with passion and pseudo-insight.  Memorise whole chunks of Islamist web page information. This makes you sound erudite, except if you are questioned too closely.  It may then become apparent that there are more holes than argument. You should therefore avoid talking to people who are actually informed, and are critical thinkers.

• Where possible, if you are female you should wear a sparkly hijab and garish makeup, a la Yvonne Ridley, and wear a “Free Palestine” badge.

• It is necessary to be a foreclosed adolescent, preferably with a history of involvement with other extremist groups.

• Never miss an opportunity to blame Israel for everything and add America and Great Britain whenever there is an “r” in the month.  Remember to spout on at least three times a day (in front of a mirror if you have no audience) about the Zionist conspiracy (remember, you do not need to know exactly what it is – it should be enough to have read about it on one of the Islamic extremist websites mentioned above).

• Boycott anything Israeli.  Clang on ad nauseam to your friends (if you still have any) that they should follow your example. You will not know, of course, because of your “useful idiocy”, that such boycotts will disadvantage Palestinians more than help them but you should not let this deter you from boring people rigid, parading outside supermarkets and generally making an outright pest of yourself to decent people.

What should I do now?

Write to as many Islamist organisations as you can and tell them that you want to be in their Useful Idiots Action Squad.  Send them a brief resume of your useful idiotic activities together with details of two proven and experienced useful idiots who can testify to your record of useful idiocy.

You will need to have patience whilst they check these out.

Stay by your telephone for however long it takes to hear from them.   If by any chance your application is rejected, then you may be offered the opportunity to become a Friend of the Useful Idiots for Islamism. This automatically entitles you to a free badge which shows our motto, and affords you observer status of our useful idiots in action and free sea sickness remedies and other perks such as your own set of brass knuckles (engraved with our motto) if you volunteer to be on board an “aid” flotilla to Gaza.  Alternatively you may apply to our sister organisation: the Execrable Islamists taking Exception to Israel Organisation (E.I.E.I.O).
In furtherance of our aims, we propose the establishment of an organisation which will promulgate these views – namely The United Association of Useful Idiots for Islamism, the mission statement of which is:

Our aim is to vigorously discourage critical thinking and promote useful idiocy in respect of Islamism, and to take our message to the world via those already recruited.  Useful idiots are a vital human resource, and through education and the media we aim to recruit as many like-minded usefully idiotic people as possible, except if they are Zionists.  Our senior membership, which has many years of experience in useful idiocy, runs workshops to train useful idiots to all levels.  Our motto sums up our creed:

“desipite coniungite!” – “Leave your senses! Join us!”